listening to “promise” by ben howard
Yes, I’m still going.
I talked today about one of the more applicable parts of the book he recommended on the Myers Briggs:
Not autonomous like the NTs, NF children need their parents to recognize their uniqueness and to personally acknowledge their significance in order to feel they are a valuable family member in their own right. NF kids thrive on an abundance of personalized attention, and the messages they need most are those which say, “You are special; I value you; you are important to me.”
I sounded like an idiot when trying to summarize this part because it’s been a few weeks since I read the book, I didn’t bring it with me, and I refused to pull out my journal. So we talked a little about how I purposefully sought out attention and positive connection from other sources to “substitute” for what was lacking at home. I think one of the reasons I’m having such a difficult time now is because most of those relationships have lapsed in the last 3-5 years. I don’t have people in my life anymore that I feel like I can talk to. So instead I pay for someone to talk to.
I became so tired toward the end of the session. I kept rubbing my eyes and I felt like I could have gone to sleep right there. He asked if I was sleepy when I came in. I said no.
He told me in no uncertain terms that he wants me to talk about my thoughts and feelings. I don’t know how. I don’t know what I’m feeling. Or I feel conflicted. I don’t know how to respond to him. What am I supposed to say?
